Vocal Enema

Okay, this is exactly why I can't get to sleep at night because of bullshit like this!!! What is this guy doing?!

I had to rewind this like 50 times because the first "oh, yeah" out of his mouth had me on the floor. I ________________________ flatlined!

I don't know what's worse, this guys voice or that he actually got studio time? Please, Kelly Rowland needs studio time, not this dude. (Shout out to Kelly Rowland, I love that girl).

Please, check this guy out on YouTube. Despite, every chance I get to laugh at him, I really do like this guy. He is brilliantly terrible.

Obama for yo' Momma

No disrespect to Michelle Obama, but her husband is Finnnnnnnnnneeee!!

I didn't know that I could be attracted to a man under 400 lbs. He is the best thing to happen to the White House (looks wise) since JFK.

I know some will give me flack because supposedly Bill was a "fox", and although I wouldn't mind the opportunity to go 1 on 1 with Bill (if he were single) when he dropped down and got his eagle on with Monica, I lost all respect for the man. I mean, come on Bill!

But back to Obama, yes!!! Child, everything about him is right! Those lips, that face, that BOD!!! Obama is a very handsome man, but what makes him even more attractive is that he has a beautiful, intelligent woman by his side. There is nothing like a man who is in love with a woman, and the product of their love is evident (not manufactured, can I get an Amen, Cindy McCain?).

I can't stop thinking about Obama, but I will tell you something - McCain could get it too! Just because he has everything that turns me on in a man: benefits and more than two strans of hair. McCain, not bad for a 90 yr. old Civil War vet (I know it wasn't the civil war, but I don't think he does).

NYC Hot Spot: Dylans Candy Bar

One of my favorite places to go during the winter time is Dylans Candy Bar on the East side of Manhattan.

Besides the candy that is incredible, you have to try their frozen hot chocolates!!! These drinks are absolutely divine, they have a bunch of different flavors.

If you don't mind being surrounded by some obnoxious children and immature adults, this spot is great!!!

Shout out to everyone at Dylan's you guys are the BEST!!!!

They still make men like this?!

Okay, so I'm bitterly against marriage, love, and complete happiness - but even an old Grinch like me finds this video encouraging.

To all you chicks that still believe in love this is for you.

Don't ask me to post any more positivity for awhile.

WTF?! Why Viagra is a mistake

Nas said Hip-Hop is dead and this clip does nothing more than solidify that fact.


There are so many things wrong w/ this clip.

1. Why?
   
2. I am mad they had a few hype men in the chorus.
3. Watch this again, listen to how many coughs you hear. There is no coughing in hip-hop, or at least the music is so loud you don't hear them. Next sound, crickets.
4. Was this part of some collective white conservative bucket list? "Hey Pearl, I want to 'get jiggy w/ it before I die" "Me too!"
5. Was this or was this not filmed in a church?! Seriously, these people are like 2 hours from meeting Jesus, you'd think they would try to keep the slate clean at this point.
6. Unless you are Ashton Kutcher, I don't think any man wants their girlfriend to look like any of the women in this choir - so they could've left 'Dontcha' off the selection list.
7. The sad part about adding Hammer to the line-up, is that most of these people were young when he was last relevant.
8. Is it me or did you wish that they would take off their clothes in 'Hot in here', you know just to cap off the foolishness of this video.
9. Did you or did you not, after watch this clip, think that this is all Obama's fault?! People, get a black president and don't know who to act.
   

Put A Ring On It?!

I know I'm late with this but, um, what the hell is Beyonce talking about with this bullshit about 'If you like it then you should'a put a ring on it'?!

The audacity of this chick, to start this song out with 'All my single ladies put your hands up'! Well, bitch, put your hand down - DON'T YOU HAVE A MAN?! That nigga behind you with them soup coolers that also double for a blow dryer, yeah, that nigga. Ain't that yours?! Okay, then sit your ass down!

I love Beyonce but I'm telling you ladies, keep listening to Beyonce and your ass gonna be in a world of trouble. Don't listen to no woman with: millions of dollars, who can get any man she wants, is a fashion god, and has a body most women would kill for, when she tells you something about making demands on men!

Beyonce is takling that shit cause she's got Jay-Z and together they made like 180 million dollars last year, hell if she liked it she could've put a ring on it first.

See, I'm not so quick to talk shit cause I know what the dating pool looks like right now and I'm in the deep end swiming around the algea looking for anyting with a pulse, a job, and teeth (and not in that order - and you dont even have to have them all to seal the deal, cause I'm sure there are plenty of sexy cadavers at the morgue right now). I've been in the club during last call when every Nigerian from here to Tennessee is looking for a woman to marry him for his papers. Or the nigga still wearing a Jheri culr, but calling it "good hair" cause he shoved some light contacts in his eyes and wants you to believe he's Rihann's brother.

The last time I spent time with a quality man, it was with my grandfather over the phone (and as much as I've been tempted, my grandma is still alive, so gramps is off limits). You can roll your eyes all you want, but my grandfather gets them 'old people' checks, and since I haven't had sex in over six months - it's better to be in a sexless relationship with my grandfather and his checks, then some silly nigga living with his entire extended family in a 1 bedroom in Harlem (I got tell ya'll about that later).

Getting back to Beyonce; this is the same chick that not even four years ago was talking that shit about 'Say My Name', then she gets some dick and all of a sudden she expects us to 'Cater2' niggas.

I have to say this because I have a bunch of my girlfriends who quotes this chick like she wrote all the books in the Bible. Turn your Beyonce Bible's to the Book of Sasha Fierce chapter 2, Bug-A-Boos.

My motto is "If you like it, put half on the cab and the condoms and we'll talk about the rest". When you're getting up in age, broke, eggs drying up, and got the shape of a woman whose had five children, you can't talk shit, you just compromise!!!

*Note the ring listed in this post, is my dream wedding ring. Make a note mommy, cause when I wind up old, bitter, and lonely I'm gonna expect you to buy that for me :-)

**Second note: to all my Beyonce obsessed friends do not write me telling me how great Beyonce is. I bought all the bitchs' albums so I can talk shit - now put your money where your mouth is and go get her album AND I MEAN PAY FOR IT - limewire don't count!!!

Married Men: Lifes' Shitty Fisher

The Problem

Okay, so I'm ?? year's old now (hey, if you want to know 'Put A Ring On It'), and most of my friends are married or on their way to wedded bliss. With this new demographic in my social circle I have unwarrantably gained a new pest in my life known as the Married Man.

There is nothing more pathetic and desperate than a man who is married, but for some reason isn't satisfied that one woman thought enough of his ass to marry him; but now he has to make it his mission to have every woman in his life co-sign his wife's attraction.
*ROLLING EYES*
Seriously, its takes me breathing exercises and a call to my therapist just to hold a 5 min. conversation with my mother, without having to worry about some grown ass man having anxiety attacks over his own sexual prowess.

I'm a single woman, there are enough men out there who won't get into a productive relationship with me, for me to stop for some dude who not only can't commit to me but is possibly going to get me in a slap-match if his wife finds out we are playing with FIRE.

I have one friend in particular (even though I'm sure this could apply to several male friends of mine who read this blog), this guy is a real nut job when it comes to his lust for what I call FWM (Flirting While Married). I can't bring any of my single girlfriends around him without him hiking up his pants, and licking his lips (think your old ass great-uncle who ain't got no business in the clubs, but still doing the electric slide every Fri and Sat with people 35 years his junior). Despite, my attempts to assure him that he still has it - he still feels its his duty to grind up on my girlfriends and ask them for their numbers when we are out at the club.

The Reason

It's just plain pathetic, and this seems to be a epidemic with married men. You want to know why? Because men fishers, but after they get that big fish (wifey) then the fishing becomes hobby. They continue to cast their lines, even though they have 1 big ass fish in their boat already. Married men just want to keep reeling in more fish, so they can look at the fish and brag that they bagged it and then throw it back into the pond.

And what happens to the fish? The fish sees what's on the other side and is now scared that shit may happen again, so now you got a pond of scared ass fish - swimming in a circle so they don't get caught up by this bullshit again... And from this fear spawns the group of girls that single men complain about. 10 chicks huddled in a circle, hovering over reach other making sure no one can cast their lines of bullshit (especially married men) into the POB (pond of bitches).

In Conclusion

So, married men on behalf of all the single women in the world: We see your ass, "yes" you got it going on, now go sit your ass down next to your wife - before we show her the worm you tried to feed us.

*SMH*