Woman Pops out Crumb-Snatcher on a Plane

In my best Samuel L. Jackson voice: Enough is enough, I have had it with these motherfucking babies on this motherfucking plane!!!

Alright, so the title of this post was unnecessary, but so is a pregnant woman getting her ass on a plane close to her due date!

A lady gives birth to a baby on her Trans Atlantic flight from the Netherlands. Now, I have a serious beef with this airline; you can't let fat people on the plane but a pregnant woman who is crowning gets a pass?!

Now a real quick side note, I have to apologize to my white girls cause I heard this story and assumed this lady was white. One because this flight was coming from the Netherlands (what are black people doing in the Netherlands) and also because white women (for whatever reason) are always the ones that find themselves giving birth on a busy freeway, lion infested safari, or in the middle of the Bermuda triangle. The only outrageous story I've heard about a black woman giving birth in some strange place is when this lady delivered in an elevator, and she was only in the elevator to go get her husband who was cheating on her.

Who I really feel sorry for are the passengers who had to experience this mess, I got a lot on my mind when I'm flying without the added stress of the lady in A11 needing an episiotomy mid-flight.

Thankfully, there were two physicians on the flight who aided in the delivery. Mom and baby are doing well.

Keeping with the themes of crazy black names, the mom has decided to name her Tranisha Atlantique Jones.

Time Warner and Viacom BFF's again!!!

So, we all know that there was a lot of drama with TW and Viacom over the last few days. Time Warner was bitching about Viacom's fee increase (and rightly so). While Viacom was not budging on their demand for more money (and rightly so). So, with this stalemate and each side making valid points: TW did not want to add more fees onto their customers and Viacom wanted to increase their already low fees to compensate for financial issues; what was a girl to do?! Miss out on SpongeBob Square Pants?! I THINK NOT!!!

Each side has decided to renegotiate their contract and keep customers happy, I think in the end TW understood that they were going to do their customers a great disservice and could compensate for the few customers they will lose in the rate increase, and Viacom was confident they could make TW their bitch, so it all worked out in the end.

Wait, TW is not my cable provider its Comcast, so why did I give a hoot? No, wait is Comcast the same as TW? Wait, no, I am with Time Warner. No, am I?!

Oh, who cares!! The bottom line is that the world is back to normal and as always decisions affecting the masses financial contribution is made by the rich men who have money!!! And these men probably do not even watch these shows on TV, they have enough money to have the cast of these programs come to their houses and reenact them in their living room.

All I know is with all this hoopla there better be some over the top shows coming from these networks, because I will now be paying and extra $2.76 for them!!! To guarantee good shows, I suggest they call me for a few scripts and casting, lol.

I'm being outed by Facebook

I love face book, that wonderful social networking site that in its on way is very pretentious. LOL. Anyone who is on this site knows that Facebooks has a way of gearing advertisements towards the individual using the site. From time to time, if you are party girl, you might get ads from night clubs and sexy lingerie boutiques. Or, for you more religious girls, there might be ads to join a Christian group or a dating site for those more morally decided than others. So, it amzaes me that every time I go on Facebook I see various ads for lesbian support groups and lesbian social networking sites, is Facebook trying to tell me something?!

I am not a lesbian!!! Despite, what my relationship status may say about me (30, single, no kids, and living alone). I take great offense to Facebook trying to turn me out like a bad espisode of the L-Word.

Am I the only one who has had this experience? Nothing against my lesbians, but I more DICK Chaney and a lot less ALOTTA Vagina!!!

Happy New Year!

It's officially 2009 and what better way to ring in a new year than with a new outlook on life. While, its great to have a new outlook, its quite unrealistic for some of us. Personally, I have to brow beat myself just to get out of bed sometimes because participating in this world can be such a tedious task. With that being said, to all my pessimistic brothers and sisters who feel like "why bother" is a better attitude to have, I say "Stand Up and Start Living". Stand up for your right to make this world a more productive place, it starts with you.

Forget the resolutions, those half-baked ideas that you promise to carry out; resolutions can be unrealistic. Take it one day at a time and fight for your right to be happy and prosperous.

So, from Yelling Girl, Happy New Year you pessimistic sons of bitches!!!!

:-)

Yelling Girl Movie Review: Yes Man

Nothing interested me about this movie. A guy who says "no" finally says "yes", big deal! The trailer looked beyond ridiculous, and I was not interested in seeing Jim Carrey portray the same character again! (Goofball gone wild). Now with that being said...

I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!

Okay, its not going to win an Oscar, it might not even get any nominations for anything; but I liked it. It was a feel good movie with a good cast. Jim Carrey renewed my faith in his antics, and reminded me why I go to the movies to see anything that he is in.

I applaud this movie for taking a concept that could have been very cheesey and making it interesting.

If you want to see a good movie with friends, then say "yes" to 'Yes Man'.

Note: I know this movie has been out - but I just saw it, so lay off!!!

Love Ya

Exploiting the Slow

Was Nas busy?! I mean, remember when rap battles were battles. Cats were spittig serious heat, their flow could stop you cold in your tracks. Apparently, these kids did not have that type of pool to pick out from 'cause they got two of the worlds worst rappers.

Now, I will give my boy Eli some credit because he is slow! No matter how politically incorrect I am, I have to say that even I would not put this dude Eli on blast like this. Clearly, this young man has a mental disability. Now, this dude Envy, I have no clue what his problem is (but clearly he isn't mentally challenged); goofy, yes!

What is even more hilarious is that these dudes who are "judging" use the words: "great", "straight off the brain" (what brain), "genius" - okay, maybe not "genius" but something like that. I don't know what they were watching, cause it wasn't this battle. I can give the guy hosting some slack, cause he was too busy hugging the dude in front of him to pay attention, no telling what was going on when the cameras cut away.

All and all I enjoyed this clip, its old as hell - but it still has the power to make me laugh! So, enjoy.

Vocal Enema

Okay, this is exactly why I can't get to sleep at night because of bullshit like this!!! What is this guy doing?!

I had to rewind this like 50 times because the first "oh, yeah" out of his mouth had me on the floor. I ________________________ flatlined!

I don't know what's worse, this guys voice or that he actually got studio time? Please, Kelly Rowland needs studio time, not this dude. (Shout out to Kelly Rowland, I love that girl).

Please, check this guy out on YouTube. Despite, every chance I get to laugh at him, I really do like this guy. He is brilliantly terrible.

Obama for yo' Momma

No disrespect to Michelle Obama, but her husband is Finnnnnnnnnneeee!!

I didn't know that I could be attracted to a man under 400 lbs. He is the best thing to happen to the White House (looks wise) since JFK.

I know some will give me flack because supposedly Bill was a "fox", and although I wouldn't mind the opportunity to go 1 on 1 with Bill (if he were single) when he dropped down and got his eagle on with Monica, I lost all respect for the man. I mean, come on Bill!

But back to Obama, yes!!! Child, everything about him is right! Those lips, that face, that BOD!!! Obama is a very handsome man, but what makes him even more attractive is that he has a beautiful, intelligent woman by his side. There is nothing like a man who is in love with a woman, and the product of their love is evident (not manufactured, can I get an Amen, Cindy McCain?).

I can't stop thinking about Obama, but I will tell you something - McCain could get it too! Just because he has everything that turns me on in a man: benefits and more than two strans of hair. McCain, not bad for a 90 yr. old Civil War vet (I know it wasn't the civil war, but I don't think he does).

NYC Hot Spot: Dylans Candy Bar

One of my favorite places to go during the winter time is Dylans Candy Bar on the East side of Manhattan.

Besides the candy that is incredible, you have to try their frozen hot chocolates!!! These drinks are absolutely divine, they have a bunch of different flavors.

If you don't mind being surrounded by some obnoxious children and immature adults, this spot is great!!!

Shout out to everyone at Dylan's you guys are the BEST!!!!

They still make men like this?!

Okay, so I'm bitterly against marriage, love, and complete happiness - but even an old Grinch like me finds this video encouraging.

To all you chicks that still believe in love this is for you.

Don't ask me to post any more positivity for awhile.

WTF?! Why Viagra is a mistake

Nas said Hip-Hop is dead and this clip does nothing more than solidify that fact.


There are so many things wrong w/ this clip.

1. Why?
   
2. I am mad they had a few hype men in the chorus.
3. Watch this again, listen to how many coughs you hear. There is no coughing in hip-hop, or at least the music is so loud you don't hear them. Next sound, crickets.
4. Was this part of some collective white conservative bucket list? "Hey Pearl, I want to 'get jiggy w/ it before I die" "Me too!"
5. Was this or was this not filmed in a church?! Seriously, these people are like 2 hours from meeting Jesus, you'd think they would try to keep the slate clean at this point.
6. Unless you are Ashton Kutcher, I don't think any man wants their girlfriend to look like any of the women in this choir - so they could've left 'Dontcha' off the selection list.
7. The sad part about adding Hammer to the line-up, is that most of these people were young when he was last relevant.
8. Is it me or did you wish that they would take off their clothes in 'Hot in here', you know just to cap off the foolishness of this video.
9. Did you or did you not, after watch this clip, think that this is all Obama's fault?! People, get a black president and don't know who to act.
   

Put A Ring On It?!

I know I'm late with this but, um, what the hell is Beyonce talking about with this bullshit about 'If you like it then you should'a put a ring on it'?!

The audacity of this chick, to start this song out with 'All my single ladies put your hands up'! Well, bitch, put your hand down - DON'T YOU HAVE A MAN?! That nigga behind you with them soup coolers that also double for a blow dryer, yeah, that nigga. Ain't that yours?! Okay, then sit your ass down!

I love Beyonce but I'm telling you ladies, keep listening to Beyonce and your ass gonna be in a world of trouble. Don't listen to no woman with: millions of dollars, who can get any man she wants, is a fashion god, and has a body most women would kill for, when she tells you something about making demands on men!

Beyonce is takling that shit cause she's got Jay-Z and together they made like 180 million dollars last year, hell if she liked it she could've put a ring on it first.

See, I'm not so quick to talk shit cause I know what the dating pool looks like right now and I'm in the deep end swiming around the algea looking for anyting with a pulse, a job, and teeth (and not in that order - and you dont even have to have them all to seal the deal, cause I'm sure there are plenty of sexy cadavers at the morgue right now). I've been in the club during last call when every Nigerian from here to Tennessee is looking for a woman to marry him for his papers. Or the nigga still wearing a Jheri culr, but calling it "good hair" cause he shoved some light contacts in his eyes and wants you to believe he's Rihann's brother.

The last time I spent time with a quality man, it was with my grandfather over the phone (and as much as I've been tempted, my grandma is still alive, so gramps is off limits). You can roll your eyes all you want, but my grandfather gets them 'old people' checks, and since I haven't had sex in over six months - it's better to be in a sexless relationship with my grandfather and his checks, then some silly nigga living with his entire extended family in a 1 bedroom in Harlem (I got tell ya'll about that later).

Getting back to Beyonce; this is the same chick that not even four years ago was talking that shit about 'Say My Name', then she gets some dick and all of a sudden she expects us to 'Cater2' niggas.

I have to say this because I have a bunch of my girlfriends who quotes this chick like she wrote all the books in the Bible. Turn your Beyonce Bible's to the Book of Sasha Fierce chapter 2, Bug-A-Boos.

My motto is "If you like it, put half on the cab and the condoms and we'll talk about the rest". When you're getting up in age, broke, eggs drying up, and got the shape of a woman whose had five children, you can't talk shit, you just compromise!!!

*Note the ring listed in this post, is my dream wedding ring. Make a note mommy, cause when I wind up old, bitter, and lonely I'm gonna expect you to buy that for me :-)

**Second note: to all my Beyonce obsessed friends do not write me telling me how great Beyonce is. I bought all the bitchs' albums so I can talk shit - now put your money where your mouth is and go get her album AND I MEAN PAY FOR IT - limewire don't count!!!

Married Men: Lifes' Shitty Fisher

The Problem

Okay, so I'm ?? year's old now (hey, if you want to know 'Put A Ring On It'), and most of my friends are married or on their way to wedded bliss. With this new demographic in my social circle I have unwarrantably gained a new pest in my life known as the Married Man.

There is nothing more pathetic and desperate than a man who is married, but for some reason isn't satisfied that one woman thought enough of his ass to marry him; but now he has to make it his mission to have every woman in his life co-sign his wife's attraction.
*ROLLING EYES*
Seriously, its takes me breathing exercises and a call to my therapist just to hold a 5 min. conversation with my mother, without having to worry about some grown ass man having anxiety attacks over his own sexual prowess.

I'm a single woman, there are enough men out there who won't get into a productive relationship with me, for me to stop for some dude who not only can't commit to me but is possibly going to get me in a slap-match if his wife finds out we are playing with FIRE.

I have one friend in particular (even though I'm sure this could apply to several male friends of mine who read this blog), this guy is a real nut job when it comes to his lust for what I call FWM (Flirting While Married). I can't bring any of my single girlfriends around him without him hiking up his pants, and licking his lips (think your old ass great-uncle who ain't got no business in the clubs, but still doing the electric slide every Fri and Sat with people 35 years his junior). Despite, my attempts to assure him that he still has it - he still feels its his duty to grind up on my girlfriends and ask them for their numbers when we are out at the club.

The Reason

It's just plain pathetic, and this seems to be a epidemic with married men. You want to know why? Because men fishers, but after they get that big fish (wifey) then the fishing becomes hobby. They continue to cast their lines, even though they have 1 big ass fish in their boat already. Married men just want to keep reeling in more fish, so they can look at the fish and brag that they bagged it and then throw it back into the pond.

And what happens to the fish? The fish sees what's on the other side and is now scared that shit may happen again, so now you got a pond of scared ass fish - swimming in a circle so they don't get caught up by this bullshit again... And from this fear spawns the group of girls that single men complain about. 10 chicks huddled in a circle, hovering over reach other making sure no one can cast their lines of bullshit (especially married men) into the POB (pond of bitches).

In Conclusion

So, married men on behalf of all the single women in the world: We see your ass, "yes" you got it going on, now go sit your ass down next to your wife - before we show her the worm you tried to feed us.

*SMH*

Not Marriage Material

Somewhere along the line I became rehab for all insecure men who want to detox. They come to me with their bullshit, issues and excuses; I nurse them back to health and then they leave. I'm the 'emotional trash can'. I have taken the trash out three times, already. What is my prize for this? I get left with the mess while the next woman gets the man.

"There is just something about you, I don't know what it is. It's just that I know what I want in a wife and you are just not IT. You're not marriage material." - this excerpt came from one of many conversations with HE WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS

I gave this man everything and all of me, for this he'd at least give me some dignity in the separation; no, I get a list of reasons why I'm not marriage material. The list was superficial but like a sucker I listened. It tuned out one of the paramount reason had to do with my weight. OUCH. Here all this time I actually thought I was a good looking big girl, but the whole time the one guy that I wanted to be attracted to me and what I had to offer, wasn't.

Then we have the guy that I'm currently dating. This guy hasn't even slept with me and already the pressure is on to determine if I'm Marriage Material. That's a lot of pressure, considering that I'm the first black woman he has dated ever, despite the fact that he is so black he makes Wesley Snipes look like Chris Brown. So, compounded is the pressure not only to be "Marriage Material", I also have to take on the responsibility that if I fuck this up he'll never date black women again.

Why do women constantly put themselves in this situation? Why all this pressure to be Marriage Material. Is this a new reality show that only men are aware of? America's Next Top Wife?

Women spend so much time:

1. Trying to be a good homemaker - We feel like we have to rival Bette Crocker in the kitchen. They say the way to a mans' heart is through his stomach, I beg to differ, I think a great head game works just as good.
2. Trying to be a freak in the bed and a lady in the sheets - You are Snow White around his parents but cupping balls and licking ass at night.
3. Trying to be a career woman - No longer is the day of the housewife what a man wants, now we got to get our asses out and work and help bring home half the bacon. Then when we get home we got to fry the shit in a pan too, while he scratches his balls and sniffs to see if he needs to take a shower tonight.
4. Trying to be a good mom - You have to pray that he has some nieces and nephews you can pretend to like so you can show him how good a mom you will be.

ALL THIS SHIT AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?

He is scouting out other women and making a list. The other women are so he's dick doesn't get dry while he is in rebound and the list is so he can reinforce your insecurities by telling you how worthless you are and why he is leaving you, "it's all your fault, didn't you know that?". It's absolutely absurd!

I sat in front of my ex recently, letting him go over a laundry list of why I'm not shit and won't be shit, and you know what I did?! I just sat there. I sat there and contemplated and even considered what I could do to change his mind. I thought so hard and so long about this shit that I got a headache. So, guess what I did after that?! I took two Excedrins, I called a few of my girls, I called him (but on some other shit) and then I went out with the guy that has never dated black women and I then broke it off with him because you know what I don't need that shit. I took myself home and then I went to sleep, and while I slept I prayed and had a conversation with God. You know what God told me?! He said put your focus somewhere else for awhile. He was right.

Instead of trying to be Marriage Material I should try to be Me Material. We only have a certain time to be what we are going to be, and I certainly don't want to look up 40 years from now and realize that I wasted all this time trying to win over a man when I could've won over my goals and been happy. I may not ever get the man that I love right now, but you know at least I get better at getting happy. Working for someones love and approval is not the road to happiness, its actually below mediocre. I don't know about you but who has time to work 40 hours a week on a job and then come home and still have to work to make sure you are the perfect person for someone else. FUCK THAT!

This has been a serious rant, and its had many run on sentences but the point is clear. I wasted two and half years on someone who never loved me, and will never think i'm good enough for them. I don't want anyone to suffer the same fate, its not too late for you and its not to late for me. Go out today and be the best woman you can be.

Life

Hello Girls (and Boys),

Its been a minute since I've posted on Yelling Girl, but I will be back in full force in a few days. I've had a few technical difficulties w/ my computer so that has been the hold up.

Before I go, I just wanted to say:

Always love yourself before you love anyone else! (except for God).

See you soon,

Love Yamaneika

Gettin' Po'litical up in this Piece!

When I saw this shit I almost fell out of my seat. Can someone please tell Senator Robert Byrd that the Grim Reaper is on the other line and he needs to click over? This man is so old, I saw dinosaur bones fall out of his briefcase. Many of you might not know this but Senator Byrd was the chaperon at Jesus' prom.

The hilarious part of this clip is that he seems to be doing a Eulogy to Ted Kennedy who is probably somewhere in a hot tub with two women while his wife makes margaritas. I might not know which horse will come in first at the Kentucky Durby, but I do know Ted is certainly going to out live Senator Byrd.

Let me say I get it, Ted Kennedy just had brain surgery but he is doing fine (so the reports say) why is this man already doing a Eulogy? And Byrd goes in and out of doing a Eulogy and praying for Ted; get it right pops, is he dead or alive?!

Just watch this:

Come On Now!

With the lack of health care in this country, poverty on the rise, and global genocide; it's only logical that Sarah Jessica Parker would be concerned about wearing a dress that has seen more pussy than Rick James and OJ at a Bar-B-Que for the Association of White Women.

Apparently, Ms. Parker's dress that she wore to the premier of 'Sex and the City' was not only worn by Lauren Santo Domingo, but worst yet Lindsey "Trying to be a Lesbian" Lohan wore the dress on her cover spread of Vanity Fair.

Nina Ricci is the designer of the dress and I'm not sure if Ms. Ricci should be more embarrassed of her professional oversight or the fact that her dress was so forgettable no one remember even remembered seeing on Vanity Fair until yesterday!

Parker has gone on to say, "My affection for the dress hasn't changed, but what they did was so short-sighted. It's just unethical and disappointing that they would allow the dress to be worn again." Really? Unethical?! Unethical?! OMG, someones been living on the Upper East Side too long. This from a woman who grew up in a poor family, with like 10 brothers and sisters, this is what she considers to be unethical.
What's even more disturbing is that Parkers is suppose to be a "style icon" why didn't she notice that the dress had made more runs around Hollywood then Kim Kardashian?

I'm so sick of this bullshit and Hollywood. Let get our priorities straight, this shit is not new and I don't give a damn and neither should you. Now let me go back to my Google search of Volunteering to help the homeless, something Ms. Parker is apparently too busy to do!

Funny Blast From the Past!

I remember the day that I saw this clip, it was a parody of LL Cool J's Momma Said Knock U Out, I hadn't even heard the original version before I saw this clip because I grew up in a strictly religious household. When I saw this clip, I wanted to instantly see it again, fortunately for me I had VCR and it was recording. Over the years tapes get misplaced, so I was so happy to find this on YouTube and I am posting it for you all to enjoy.

Shawn Wayan's is portraying Jimmy Walker's character J.J. from 'Good Times' singing a parody version of LL's Momma Said Knock U Out.

WTFiles!

I have seen some horrible fashion statements in my life, most of them made by me from '93-95 but are you serious?! Who the hell is he suppose to be? The nigga from Johnny Quest, Hodgie or whatever his name was?!

This man you see in the, OMG I can't believe I'm about to type this shit, purple crush velvet slippers, pink snake skin trench (where the fuck did he find a damn pink snake) and turban is none other than Andre Leon Talley! The damn fashion editor for Vogue! (Shaking my head hard) When he put this outfit on somewhere on the Westside two tranny's lost their wings.

Unfortunately, he is not the only fashion mishap in this picture; Hello, Naomi! What's going on, girl? Whipped so many asses no one will style you know without a restraining order and a can of mace? This is what happens when you go around fucking up the help, you got to depend on the only gay man that missed Fabulous class because he was too busy getting back shot by his gym teacher. But, you are still gorgeous!

I hope this never happens again, cause between the two of them they make Cephus and Reesie Mayweather of In Living Color look like Mr and Mrs GQ!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXscFeF9hf4

Yelling Girl: The Raw

I want to thank those of you have come to this blog and posted your comments. Yelling Girl is only as popular as you make it. I feel that I have something to say for all the frustrated and partially bitter individuals, namely women, who see that life is not always a bed of roses.

Here is what Yelling Girl is:

1) Unedited - 99.9% of the time I don't do a spell check or re-read my posts before publishing them. I do this for a number of reasons: First, I don't want to censor myself; and secondly, I don't want to mince my words. When I have a feeling about something I want to get it out and I want to make no apologizes for it, unless in those rare occasions where I really overstep my bounds and personally attack someone who is innocent or unable to defend themselves.

2) Raw - Yes, there is cursing on this site. Yes, I am a Christian. Yes, I still need prayer. The inner essence of a person lies not in their language but in their heart, if you disagree and are horribly offended by my cursing, quite possibly Yelling Girl is not for you. But I wouldn't all a thing like choice of words stand in the way of true liberation and empowerment.

3) Tacky - Yes, I will say some things that should not be said. I'm a stand-up comic, I almost will not ever be able to help that. I see life differently than most, and am not as offended by reality as the average person. This blog is for like minded persons who either feel the same way I feel or can appreciate my candor.

I hope this gives a little insight.

I want to thank you all for your time in checking out Yelling Girl, its is nothing with out you and I am nothing with out God!

Yamaneika
President, Yelling Girl

Sexy And The City!

Unlike most of the other guppies women around the world, I did not go to see 'Sex and the City'. Call me jaded, but I see nothing fascinating about watching four white women run around Manhattan in Prada and Gucci complaining about bullshit problems like: not have the right outfit to match your new Fendi shoes, or how to let down the mail room boy you've been fucking for three months because you've finally decided to get serious with the CEO of Apple Computers. If I wanted to see a bunch of Catch U Next Tuesday'S walking around being obnoxious then I would just look out my window.

As a matter of fact, I live on the Upper East Side (well, until rent is due anyway) and I've never seen one woman look like Carrie or the rest of the cattle. You want to know what women in Manhattan really look like, watch the Real Housewives of New York.

Call me a bitch, no really call me a bitch I live for that, but I remember a story about 13 years ago centered around four women dealing with life - its was called 'Waiting to Exhale'. How come when four white women are dealing with life its about Sex and the City, but four sistahs got to be waiting to exhale? I mean, really!

Instead of Hollywood being so obnoxious and making everything so one sided, how about actually putting together a movie that has women of all backgrounds and lifestyles. It's no longer 1923, we all live cohesively together now.

Just my opinion. Now if you want to really go see a great movie - go see The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, I saw it twice!

Where It All Began: The first time Yelling Girl Yelled!

Here is some old Yelling Girl, basically this is what started it all! I wrote this at the beginnig of the year cause I was having a bad time with insomnia and still thinking about my ex, and all that shit. All I'm gonna say before you read this, is that I'm in a better place now!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!This is a rant, so I suggest you leave now if you ain't down w/ rants cause this is about to be a doozy!!!

Here it is 8:29 a.m. and I'm working on about 2 seconds of sleep because i'm working on some shit that needs my attention and what happens?! Everyone body and their damn momma wants to interrupt me with their bullshit!

Culprit #1: THE NEEDY HOMEGIRL

This bitch has the nerve to call me with her man problems. BITCH I DONT HAVE A MAN WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME SHIT ABOUT MEN?! I WAS ABOUT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THEM!!! I'm not hardly in a productive relationship and I got to hear about how her man is abusing her or some shit!!!! BITCH WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT HIM HITTING YOU? AT LEAST YOU GOT A MAN TO HIT YOU, SHIT TELL HIS ASS TO COME OVER AND HIT MY ASS FOR VALENTINES DAY!!! Why do I have to keep hearing this same repetitive shit over and over again!

No matter what I say she's just going to go back to him.

Culprit #2: IRRESPONSIBLE FRIEND

I agreed to house sit for a friend of mine who was suppose to be back in town yesterday!! This bitch, has the nerve to stay away two extra days and then has the nerve to ask me to be on-call to deliever the keys to her at HER CONVIENENCE!!!!

The worst part is, I haven't stepped foot in the house since she left cause she's got more mice up in her crib then the Mickey Mouse club!!! I told her I would take up the traps, but I can't do that shit!!! I DONT MEAN TO PUT ANYONE DOWN but I grew up in the suburbs, the worst we had were granddaddy long legs and spiders!!! I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT NO MICE!!!! I watched her take up a trap with a baby mouse on it (mind you, she's the one that said it was a baby, the nicca looked like a damn possum if you ask me. If that was the baby I'd hate to see the Parent).

Why on earth did I agree to house sit for her with these damn mice!

I come over there they building amusment park rides all over the place and charging admission!

Culprit #3: THE OVERACHIEVER

I know she just wants to help, but please dont help me!!!! I know I told you I wanted to lose weight in 2008, but bitch you know I didnt mean that!!!! Please stop calling me at 5 a.m. cause you want to make sure i'm up to go to the gym!!!! Take your big ass to the gym and call me when you get there, my exercise will be 10 arm reps of reaching for the phone and 1 thumb curl to hang it up!!!

I get so tired of this "See, this is why I dont believe you when you say you want to lose weight". Bitch ,you dont believe me because I've known your ass for over 8 years and you aint see me do nothing but eat like a hog and smoke cigarettes!!! Lets take this 1 step at a time!!!

Culprit #4: GAY MALE FRIEND

Please, don't take your ass out in NYC flapping like a fan in a Baptist Church on a Hot Summer Sunday and then wonder why someone tries to beat the shit out of you up in the Bronx, you know them niccas dont play "obvious" shit out there. Please, dont call me at 4 a.m. cause I live in Manhattan and tell me that you want to meet up to cry. Call Justin Timberlake bitch, cause he sang Cry Me A River. I wrote that Soulja Boi song "Yeah, Yeah, Bitch".

Culprit #5: LYING FRIEND

Please, dont make plans to do something with me and its already for a late time and then LIE LIKE A STUPID RAT ABOUT WHERE YOU WERE AND WHY YOU DIDN'T PICK UP YOUR PHONE!!!ADDITIONALLY DONT LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND SAY YOU COULDNT PICK UP THE PHONE CAUSE YOU GOT ARRESTED!!!! Really? Arrested?!YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU CONFIRMED AT 8 P.M. THAT WE ARE MEETING SO I COULD BRAID YOUR RAGGEDY ASS HEAD AND SOME HOW YOU GOT ARRESTED AND WENT TO CENTRAL BOOKING AND GOT PROCESSED, PRESENTED YOUR CASE, AND GOT OUT BY 12:13?! They dont move that fast baby, ASK OJ!

This No-Doz i'm poppin' aint working, i'm only eating healthy so I have not junk food to fuel me. If one of them damn mice walked pass me right now I would put them on the grill and get to skewing!!!Sorry....no need to repsond....just talking to myself!!!!!

Psycho Academy

Okay, class is in session. I am professor Yelling Girl.

The lesson for today, creating fake online ID's.

Now we've all done it one time or another, either because we are too embarrassed to reveal who we are online or because we are stalking our ex-boyfriends. Now, the lesson for today will focus on the latter.

I will say off the bat, that I am guilty and currently committing this crime. There is something just very pleasing about keeping tabs on someone who you are no longer in a relationship with, especially if they broke up with you. Now, this situation is very distressing to the person you are duping into thinking you are someone else, but let's not focus on them right now - because lets face it, when they broke up with you they didn't give a rats ass about your feelings.

The issues is what are you doing it for? I mean, really?! What for? Eventually, you will have to let them in on the secret, especially when the awkward time comes to exchange pictures.

Here is why you do it:

• You have contact with them. In your sick twisted world any contact is good contact, even if it requires you to pretend you are not the person that they once were into but are no longer feeling. So, if your ex takes the bait all you've done is shown him that there is someone out there that makes him feel alive again - and its not you, unless you are pretending to be someone else.


• You proving to yourself that he was a jerk. Nice try, but not really. If you are no longer with him what makes you think he is not currently and actively trying to find someone else? And its the Internet, more than likely he is chatting with more people than your alter ego.


• You are going to scare him from flirting online. This one misses the mark too. All your fake ID creating does is make it necessary for him to require a picture upfront. And possibly, request that you talk over the phone immediately just so he knows its not you playing games.

Here is my story: I was so carried away and obsessed with an ex that i've stalked them over the Internet . Okay, not stalked like he put it in the court papers , but checked up on. At one point the thought of this person being with another person drove me crazy . Now flash forward 2 years later, I'm not really checking up on this person, but they accidentally run across one of my profiles that I created and never shut down. They actually initiate conversation with me, but at this point I dont really care. However, I found this situation where I am now talking to him because I dont want to hurt his feelings and tell him that i'm not interested , and doubly so because i dont want him to think i created this id just for him. Now, i'm in a situation where i'm lying to avoid hurting someone who hurt me. What kinda sick, twisted mess is this?

Save yourself a lot of hassle and do what this person has done to you; completely forget them.

If you feel that you can't move on, seek counseling. Go out and party. Lean on your girls, that's what you have them bitches for, when shit gets tight. Or better yet, put your 'Freak um' dress on and find another dude that will dump your ass in no time flat. Just leave this one alone.

Close those damn ID's and go on living your life as the fabulous woman you are!

IF YOU HAVE FAKE ID'S SHUT THEM DOWN!!!

Birthday Wishes to, my Momma!

This is a Happy Belated Birthday wish to my mom, Michelle! Thanks for always being in my corner and for being a very supportive force in my life.

When the chips are down, you are always there (mostly because you are knocking them down!...just kidding, cause my momma don't play - she'll still go upside my head).

Wishing you a Happy Birthday!

Love your daughter and emotional burden,

Yamaneika

*actual date of birth 6/1

And I'm Telling You, I'm not going a damn place!

Are you a stalker or do you get to steppin' after you've been dumped?

I realized after my last break-up that I am El Pollo Loco. I looked crazier than John Travolta's w/ that tacky a$$ lace front wig. And sounded siller than Monique saying she's only 220 lbs.

I've done everything from:
1) Threaten to call the date rape crisis center
2) Hack into e-mail accounts
3) Leave loving messages
4) Leave death threats
5) Threaten to post his number on Craigslist
6) Pretend to get married to the King of a small tribe in Africa to make him jealous
7) Threaten to put Crystal Meth in his veins while he slept.

DONT WORRY I'M BETTER NOW, THAT WAS LAST WEEK - TIME HEALS!

Take this time to think about the worst things you've ever done to your ex, and get down on your knees and pray you never do anything like that again!

*Note: If you are currently doing any of the above, seek professional help. Sometimes we need it.

That Hot Shit!

When I first heard this song American Boy, I was like whatever! We've got enough shit in this country that promotes American boy this, American girl that, which only equates to cookie cutter and "perfect". Then when I found out this song was sung by a black woman - I was like, "here we go", then when I found out she was from England I really copped a 'tude (what does she know about an American boy?). As normally in my life, I put my foot in my mouth big time. When I finally took the time to listen to this song, I was captive by the vocals; not only because Kanye was on it (man, I love him!) but because the voice along side his was (in my opinion) gritty, irreverent w/ a touch of bandint disregard (which in my world translates to FLAWLESS!).

It's unfortunate that this young lady hasn't gotten the play that she deserves, but in this day of pussy poppin' female artists, weaved down, over made and processed - you are hard pressed to find someone who betrays all those things (and still is beautiful).

Without any further ado, I present ESTELLE


Be sure to BUY her shit! She can't afford for you all to download her stuff, because people have already tried to stop her once already!

More than Just A Man, Yves Saint Laurent

"The most beautiful clothes that a woman can wear are the arms of the man she loves. But for those who do not have the luck to find such happiness, I am there" -Yves Saint Laurent

It pains my heart when a man who brings such passion, creativity, grace and style to women passes on. Let's have a moment of silence for a man who understood the true essence of elegance and style !

*Note from the editor: I was hard pressed to find a picture of Mr. Laurent looking old, cause white men have it in their clause that all pictures of them looking old perish when they die!

That Hot Shit!

Hey, Yelling Girls!

From time to time things motivate me creatively and I figured what better way to showcase the things that i'm feeling then by putting them on Yelling Girl! Now normally I'm not feeling Erykah Badu, not because she isn't fabulous (because she totally is), but for some reason my loyalty to Jill Scott won't let me like Erykah like that. Even with my bias to Jill, I got to show Erykah some love for her new video 'Honey'. It's very creative, and in a weird way symbolize all the creativity that Badu has offered us over the years.

So, I'm gonna forget about Jill for just one second and go back to loving Erykah like I used to when I was a junior in high school driving to Pasadena with my girls.

HOT-Wee (Hottie of the Week): Perv Pick!

Okay, so this might not always be a theme that I will do on Yelling Girl, but I just had to put up this little cutie that I think is so adorable (2 more years and he's legal, ladies). Skandar Keynes, is a British actor who I am familiar with as the character King Edmund in the Chronicles of Narnia films.

Keep a eye out for this kid, I think he's going to be really big one day!

I better rush and have a daughter, cause I'm totally going to try and get her to marry this kid!

"What You Talkin' 'Bout, Wilma?"

Just when I thought I had seen it all, I see some shit that makes me want to personally request that God wipe out this entire planet and just start all over again!

I see a woman (who was so pregnant that the baby was crowning) coming out of a bar! That's not the worse part! Cause she could or could not have been drinking inside the bar. But what this woman did next absolutely blew my mind. She lit a fucking C-I-G-A-R-E-T-T-E! Cigarettes cause cancer and lead to all types of health issues in the world on a daily basis. Not only that you have to be 18 here in the United States to even partake in smoking a cigarette. Second hand smoke is a leading killer of many people in this country. If it has this type of effects on adults and children, imagine what it does to an undeveloped fetus depending solely on its mother for nutritional substance. To make matters worse this woman was joined in this foolish escapade by her man and a friend.

I was floored, and it takes a lot to floor me. I mean, I have seen a homeless man take a shit right in front of me at the bus stop and ask me for toilet paper so he can wipe his ass. The first thing I thought of was making a citizens arrest. So, I get on the phone with the local police station to see if there is anyway they could intervene with this obvious declaration of parental neglect. I would would've gotten more attention from the police if I had told them that a kitten was stuck up a tree then telling them that I saw this pregnant woman coming out of a bar and lighting up a cigarette. The officer I spoke to was not moved to even fake a response of concern, opting to give me accolades for being a good citizen in knowing that what I saw was obviously wrong, but not before telling me there was absolutely nothing I could do but give the woman an ashtray as a baby gift.

The officer, however, was not that only person to dismiss my gripe as an unfortunate side affect of my overly sensitive sense of morales. Every freaking person I spoke to stated that it was "her right" to do as she pleased. These people (the bouncer, the patrons, the nonchalant police officer) all seemed to think this response in someway negated their responsiblity in this matter. Since when did a woman's "right" mean it was okay for her to infringe on the safety of others? In this case the fetus, her own flesh and blood!

Just recently in the news a couple was sentenced to jail time for allowing their 2 year old to smoke cigarettes and drink beer; I don't see any difference in this case. We have allowed this feminist shit to get out of hand, and I'm not okay with it! Somewhere along the line we dropped the responsibility ball in this country and for that people are running amuck. Just because "it isn't against the law" doesn't mean that is right. This is my plea, the next time you see a pregnant woman walking out of a bar and lighting up a cigarette smack it out of her hand and then slap her in the face and say "That's from your baby, bitch! Stop that!"

Hillary: Sit your Ass Down!!!

Let me prference this by saying that I was absolutely in love w/ Hillary for years. One, because she is a Scorpio like me. Second, because she got to cuddle up every night w/, my husband in my head, Bill Clinton.

I respect everything that Hillary does and has done in the past, but for the first time I am asking her sit down. I know that look in her eye, its the same look I get when I'm trying to prove a point. We get it, Hil, we know you are awesome and fantastic. Hillary has done for the movement and liberation of women, since the bra burning incident of the feminist movement. But now its time to take a seat, be a real woman and accept defeat.

This is exactly why men hold claim that no woman should ever grace the seat of Commander and Chief, because we don't know how to let shit go.

Remember when you were a little girl and the bitch down the street decided to have her party on the same day of your birthday party? She was only having a regular party, she could have easily changed the date of her party, but no she just had to prove that she had more friends than you and keep the party going. Then all your friends had to make this awkward choice, do they come to your party or hers? They like you both, but only one can glory in that day. Even if they decide to split the time, none of the guest really give their full attention to you THE BIRTHDAY GIRL! Then at the end of the day you are reeling, because she fucked up your birthday w/ her stubbornness.

This is the same thing. Obama is having his birhtday party, but Hilary is throwing a slumber party. In the end, McCain will get the most gifts!

Hilary, take this for what it is. Sit down, run next time. Please, dont be responsible for the Democratic defeat, yet again!

Letter From The Editor: Wake the "F" Up, Chick!!!

To every big woman who has ever questioned her worth because of a man. (Skinny chicks you can get something out of this too.)

This chick has put up some shit thats got my blood boiling. To all the women around the world: If you dont start picking your fucking heads up and stomping around this motherfucker like you the shit. And I dont mean that bullshit that you say when you trying to front. We all know that its hard being a big girl, but its harder when we got these other low self-esteem, raggedy ass, emotionally abused motherfuckers stomping around here holding their gotdamn heads down!!!

If I have another dude think he is running this game because he has a dick, last time I checked a dick belonged in a pussy...so what is a dick w/ out a pussy, but a dick?!If we had brains enough to stop playing these damn games and stop letting a man use us like a piece of meet, or tell us that we aren't good enough for his attention or time then we'd have more control over this situation.I mean, even I have denied my own self the respect I deserve because I've allowed a motherfucker to think he was the green to my fucking pasture on the other side of the garden.

Here is a list of shit we need to stop doing:

1. Stop looking for a man to complete you
2. Stop looking to be a bride and focus on being a brilliant chick
3. Stop looking for the perfect man, he doesn't exist. Mostly, because your ass ain't perfect so what do you need a perfect man for?
4. Stop comparing yourself to other bitches and start comparing yourself to yourself last year. If you game is still on the same level either quit or get the users guide, look for the section that says "tips and hints" and take notes.
5. Stop waiting for a man to take you out. You got a credit card bitch, fucking take yourself out and at the end of the night pay yourself back w/ the RABBIT.
6. Stop going to these bars looking for Mr. Right, go in there looking for Mr. DJ and get your groove on
7. Stop sulking when a man puts you down or says he isn't feeling you, just be glad that motherfucker was smart enough to move out the way so you Mr. Almost Perfect can come in.
8. Stop waiting for a man to validate you
9. Stop giving your pussy to a nigga who isnt giving you any affection, love or attention. Unless, you just want to fuck him then okay...but dont make it a habit.
10. Stop praying for a man. Sometimes Jesus wants to hear us dote on Him. Remember, He loves us too so why dont we show Him attention. Don't make the Lord put you on Call Waiting, cause you still praying about the same shit you was praying about 10 years ago.
11. Stop settling for any old thing because you got: kids, been married, over the hill, overweight, bald. You dont have to settle cause you are fine just the way you are.
12. Stop recycling niggas. You pussy is not a recycle bin so stop trying to collect the glass deposit on a dick that is better off being biodegradable. I dont care how much of a dick shortage there is, there are enough dildos for every woman.
13. Stop stalling your life and live
14. Stop reading this and apply this. I had to put a 14 cause I didnt want to leave w/ just 13.

Bottom line, cause this rant was all over the place and unorganized. I dont want to come in here anymore and see some shit about men talking greasy about women and how they want this and want that, cause bottom line is women are beautiful no matter what and we all got a pussy that gets wet. You got a problem, shut off the fucking lights, pull down your pants, and feel for the pussy. You aint got to look at it to fuck it, but you do have to respect it for it to let you in.

Forgive me for this harsh tone, Lord - something just have to be said!

*Kisses*

Diamond N Da' Rough!

It rare that you will find a talented performer that can take on two of the industries greatest beasts, stand-up comedy and impersonation.

Stand-up takes timing and skill, something that many comics take years to hone. The same qualities are incorporated in impersonation; getting your subjects mannerisms and persona down to simplistic perfection. We (comics and impersonators) make it easy when we success, and very uncomfortably comical when we fail.

In my spotlight section, "Diamond N Da' Rough", I felt it was apropos to spotlight a talented young brother whose last name just happens to be Diamond!

Introducing....Lloyd Diamond

Lloyd Diamond as Sammy Davis

Lloyd Diamond as Sammy Davis

Lloyd Diamond as Ray Charles

For booking formation contact Mr. Diamonds management at: http://www.myspace.com/superbad2000

Hot Knot!

Girls,

We can't pay tribute to an obvious hottie, without taking time to give props to the Nottie that is an undercover hottie. What I mean is, there is always that dude that isn't the best looking piece of beef in the stew, but he adds just as much flavor.

I want to introduce Yelling Girls first Hot Knot, Mr. Danny DeVito.

I may be the only one who finds him remotely attractive, but you got to love a guy with a sense of humor. Did I mention that he is totally cute?!

He has been my secret crush for years and I have yet to meet a man who has knocked him off his throne.

Danny, if you and Rhea every break-up, call me!

HOT-Wee: Hottie Of The WEEk

Good Morning, Girls.

In our first Hottie of the week (Hot-Wee) installment I will take it upon myself to list my personal favorite, hurting 'em with his crossover appeal.

I got to give this brother props for not only being one of a few brothers to hold it down in the game, but for marrying one of my B-More homegirls Mrs. Jada Pinket-Smith.

That's right, my hottie of the week is...WILL SMITH.

When he said I AM LEGEND he wasn't playing. So, we give tribute to him and all his hotness!!!

If you'd like to nominate a hottie of the week, please hit me up at theyelllinggirl@yahoo.com.

"What You Talkin' 'Bout, Wilma?"

Here is one of our spotlight sections called "What You Talkin' 'Bout, Wilma?"

From time to time I run across something that makes me want to look outside and make sure the clouds are still in the sky. Today is one of those days. While doing my normal search on YouTube, I ran across a song called "Smell Yo Dick". Now, I wish like hell I was lying, but that's the title of the song.

The song begins with a woman cursing out her man because one of her girlfriends caught him at the club earlier that night with another chick. She then proceeds to tell him that she needs to, yes, smell his penis to verify that he has been with a chick. Now, exactly what is that suppose to smell like?! Forget I asked.

Okay, so this is wrong on so many levels, but let's pick apart the obvious first. Why are we smelling dicks? More importantly, why is this women smelling her man's dick? If your girl already caught them at the club what more proof do you need? This is taking things a bit to far, don't you think? If I see the expiration date on my milk was 14 days ago, there is no need for me to sniff my milk; I would say the same rules apply with dicks.

What's even more reprehensible about this song, is that it makes women look desperate. No man is worth this much humiliation. Seriously, you want to play investigator go sleuth out your next man, don't waste time rummaging through crotch rot.

All I can say is ewwww.

Now for you nasty tricks that want to see what i'm talking about, you know you do, here is the link:

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Why is it Yelling Girl?

Welcome Readers,

I am so excited about this blog and I welcome you all to come by and show love. This blog will feature everything from rants to poems, all of which will pertain to women. Why, you may ask? Well, because in today's society women don't often get to voice their opinions in a way that challenge the male machismo that seems to be running rampant and free in this society.

I thank God that I had the fortunate pleasure of being brought up in an household and family that was dominated by independent and free-thinking women. It saddens me when I look out into the world today and see all the women that are so readily available to become a stereotype of the typical "brainless" woman with no conscious of what her wayward action will do to the rest of the community of women who want to create an atmosphere of equality.

Now, this is in no way a blog to bash men, but a way for women to just have their own equivalent to the male "locker room". I will from time to time get on women's case, as well as men. Ultimately, I want this blog to be a forum for me to share my experiences and hope that they resonate with other women.

As we grow, there will be featured blog subjects and more interactive play. I encourage any woman that wants to post a featured story or rant to email me at theyellinggirl@yahoo.com. I will gladly publish.

Well, that's it for now. Let's just sit back and see what happens!

God Bless,

Yamaneika